On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
