I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
