When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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