singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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