he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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