I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
