she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do vagina's smell?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
