Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
