I bet he comes in French.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
