She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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