remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
