God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
