just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize