I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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