I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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