Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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