YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize