Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize