My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
