the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
