I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
