I skipped work to stalk him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
