it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
