Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
