i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
