Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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