So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
