So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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