Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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