Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
