I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My cat gives me a boner
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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