I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
