Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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