It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
