What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
only you would photoshop your dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
