so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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