Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
