it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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