Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
