first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
everyone is single if you try hard enough
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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