Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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