You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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