My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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