"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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