The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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