I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
