why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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