Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
