i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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