What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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