I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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