Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my shit smells like andre
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
