So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
