I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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