I wish I only lived at night.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
