I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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