I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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