when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
