good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
