...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
