At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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