You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
