:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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