I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize