they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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