I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
