the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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