I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize