Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
