Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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