They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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