Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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