I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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