So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
false alarm. still invincible.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
