I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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